God knows I’m good.
David Bowie, track from Space Oddity
Some years ago, starved of the company of women and forgetful of the potential and possibly deleterious consequences of acting on that hunger, I took to the online dating sites. I had a few adventures, met some nice women and some horrors, and generally learned one of the lessons of the modern world; virtue signalling. Psychologists call it the ‘self-serving bias’, and it is amazing how much human utterance reduces to the formula; I am good. It’s like Freud’s primal sentence passed through the meat grinder of the 60s Me generation. Now that virtue signalling has become best practice for the Pansy Left, however – what we might call the Be Like Me or Else generation – it is worth examining the anatomy of virtue signalling.
One of the ladies advertising herself on one of the sites had the usual list of her virtues. It was the bog-standard inventory of her goodness and kindness, but it was the very first auto-description that caught my eye. Gentle reader, this beazel described herself, before all other attributes as;
That’s right. The first thing this young lady would have you know about herself is that she reads the chattering classes’ anti-White newspaper of choice. She was white, although I have had a few black girlfriends. See what I did there? Virtue signalling. I was telling you I’m not a racist. I didn’t get in touch. She would have been unlikely to harmonise in love’s sweet melody with a cove who has Mein Kampf on his Kindle.
It is to speak, then, of virtue signalling that I have gathered you here today and, without further fanfare, we will examine some of the necessities for the successful virtue signaller.
Be Left wing. Shouldn’t really have to tell you this, but this is a beginner’s guide and there are still some of you who seem to believe that anyone who has a grudging respect for Nigel Farage, or thinks black chaps can be a bit surly sometimes, or likes to sneak a peek at Peter Hitchens’s column in The Mail on Sunday can be an acceptable human being and not literally Hitler. Don’t fall at the first!
Know your enemy! Take care out there, signallers! Don’t just signal away without checking your target. You might think you hate homophobia, but what if it’s black men doing the queer-hating? You see? Getting ethnocentric is a schoolperson error. Nothing is bad in and of itself. It depends entirely on the colour or religion of the person doing it. Black men on death row in Texas? Racism, pure and simple. Blacks playing the knockout game in Detroit? Slavery! Your enemy is white, heterosexual men, signallers! Tattoo that on your arm. And remember, virtue signallers; white men only! White women get a pass because they were busy being oppressed when white men built the fascist state we are trapped in. So white women, even straight ones, are not the enemy. Unless they’re Tory scum.
Wear a lot of badges and T-shirts. Nothing says you are on the right side of history quite like spelling it out at the bus stop every morning on the way to that job of yours. Colour your hair and have facial piercings if possible, although some fascists employers might try to oppress you for this. But the hair and piercings force people to look at you, and this leads them on to read your I am the 99% shirt. But take care! A This is what a feminist looks like T-shirt may seem innocent and good, but what if you are visiting somewhere which may be predominantly Muslim? Like London, or France? Caution, virtue signallers! Free Palestine buttons and stickers are always a good fallback if in doubt.
Social media. Don’t let up on Facebook, Twitter and other approved platforms not run by the fash, where you might get up the wrong end of the playground due to words of three syllables and above being used. Re-Tweet and re-post on Facebook everything you can, provided it helps the cause. If you are not sure, let Mummy help you. If Daddy is there, or might be there at some time in the foreseeable future, ask him. Or ask ‘other Mummy’.
Avoid real people. Real people don’t really understand virtue signalling as they have been oppressed by white elites and think that goodness is shown by what you do and achieve rather than what you say and claim and repeat. Virtue signalling should be done mostly to other virtue signallers and, of course, the fascists and racists. Again, take care with Muslims, black people, lesbians, queers, bisexuals, transgenders, otherkin and all the many, many other approved identities. If you praise one group too much, you may offend another. Spread the happiness and absolute correctness of your position around.
Marches and demos. As many as you can, people! If it means taking time off from your degree in Queer Studies, or Women’s Studies, or Grievance Studies, or Fat Recognition Studies, no matter. As you know, any degree with the word ‘Studies’ at the end guarantees that you won’t actually have to study. You can take the afternoon – or the year – off, and no one will notice. You’ll still get that degree and you’ll still get that community organiser’s post, or that Saturday job at Tesco Local.
Police others. Actually, we call it guiding or helping or instructing or correcting others now, because the police are both racist and fascist. Really accomplished virtue signalling means scoring points off other people by pointing out their wrongness. There are people who still go on about ‘free speech’, which always means the ‘freedom’ to oppress other races and gender identifications. They are the ones who really need your signals. Never forget; we are right because they are wrong!
Okay, virtue signallers! You are ready to go! Get on that keyboard, get to that meeting agreeing on a no-platform for the woman speaker who has converted from Islam to Christianity – Yuk! – get on that march demanding free education so your Slavery Studies degree doesn’t get you into debt with the criminal banksters, and go, go, go! You. Are. Ready.
Now fuck off.